Юмор

Юмор


Шутки и анекдоты

Шутки и анекдоты

Для зарядки бодрости и духа

«Женщина и машина» и другие смешные анекдоты

Женщина идет по берегу моря, думая о том, какая сволочь ее бывший муж.
Внезапно перед ней появляется черт.
— Я исполню три любых твоих желания, — говорит он, — и совершенно бесплатно. Но учти: что бы ты не получила, твой бывший муж получит вдвое больше.
— Во-первых, — говорит женщина, — я хочу 10 миллионов долларов. В ее руку тут же опускается чек.
— Во-вторых, я хочу виллу на берегу моря. Тут же перед ней вилла, и в руке — ключи.
— Твой муж сейчас имеет 20 миллионов и две виллы, — напоминает черт.
— Так какое последнее желание?
— Ты знаешь, — отвечает женщина, — мне всегда хотелось, чтобы у меня была большая, пышная и роскошная грудь…

Встретились две подруги.
— Как ты похудела — восклицает одна.
— Мне изменяет муж — отвечает другая. — Я так страдаю.
— Так разведись с ним!
— Не могу, мне ещё три кило сбросить нужно.

Монахиня на исповеди:
— Святой отец, вчера за мной увязался мужик. Было темно и я пошла быстрее. Мужик тоже пошел быстрее. Это же логично?
— Мм… Логично.
— Я свернула в сторону, мужик свернул за мной. Это же логично?
— Мм… Логично.
— Я остановилась и задрала юбку, а он спустил брюки. Это же логично?
— Мм… Логично, ну а дальше что?
— А то, что женщина с задранной юбкой бегает быстрей мужика со спущенными штанами.

Анекдоты, анекдоты… Сегодня о женщинах

Жена ласкается к мужу:
— Скажи, дорогой, у меня красивые волосы?
— Красивые.
— А глаза красивые?
— Красивые.
— А нос?
— И нос крас…
Тут муж спохватывается и спрашивает с подозрением:
— Погоди, а ты что, в зеркале не отражаешься?

Женщина приходит к гадалке:
— Помните, я была у вас пять лет назад? Вы ещё нагадали мне богатого мужа и пятерых детей.
— Помню…
— Я хочу узнать — а муж у меня когда будет?!

20 шуток об очаровательной женской логике

Две женщины столкнулись в магазине. Одна беременна, делает замечание:
— Осторожнее, пожалуйста!
— Простите! Вы беременны, а на каком месяце?
— На седьмом и это уже моя (гордо) пятая беременность!
— И вы говорите мне об осторожности?!

«Женщина и машина» и другие смешные анекдоты

— Циля, у тебя хоть капля совести есть?!
— Есть, Моня… Тебе шо, таки накапать?

— Сарочка, дорогая, а диалог ещё возможен, или ты таки уже однозначно права?

В слезах Cара с упреком говорит мужу:
— Тебя даже не интересует, почему я плачу? Хочешь, скажу?
— Не надо! У меня нет таких денег!

— Роза Львовна, когда наступает старость?
— Когда косметичка превращается в аптечку.

— Фима, я толстая?
— Шо ты, Люся! Нет, конечно! Ты просто сильно заметная!

Источник

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92 комментария на «:-))) 062 О женщинах: ... я когда даю взад, у меня не горит лампочка ... ?!»

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