Юмор
Шутки и анекдоты
Нам шутка строить и жить помогает,
Она, как друг, и зовет, и ведет,
И тот, кто с шуткой по жизни шагает,
Тот никогда и нигде не пропадет.
(Что-то мне эти слова напоминают?!.. А???)
— Помнишь, я сегодня утром бегала по квартире с радостным криком: «Ура! Я наконец-то нашла ключи!!!»?
— Ну да.
— Ты не видел, куда я их после этого положила?
— Почему вы отказали жильцу?
— Я не любопытна, но если человек постоянно завешивает замочную скважину, это подозрительно.
Жена уехала в командировку.
Муж будит ребенка
и ведет в садик.
Пришли в один,
а им говорят:
— Это не наш ребенок!
пришли в другой — та же история.
садятся в автобус едут,
тут ребенок и говорит:
— Папа, еще один садик
и я в школу опоздаю!
Мама одного ребенка — наивна и неопытна, как новобранец в армии. Мама двух детей — спокойна и уверенна, как дембель. Мама трех детей — это СПЕЦНАЗ.
Ребенок пишет: «РАДИТЕЛИ».
Я спрашиваю: "А какое проверочное слово? " Ребенок ласково прищурившись отвечает: «РАДОСТЬ»
Даже исправлять не хочется))
Фармацевт объясняет практикантке:
— А из этой банки мы наливаем, если рецепт уж совсем неразборчивый!
Эх как просто мы раньше жили: захотел в туалет — книгу в руки и пошел. А сейчас — как в экспедицию собираешься: Ipad, два мобильника, очки.
Идет судебный процесс. У свидетеля спрашивают:
— Скажите, это правда, что подсудимый живет с этой женщиной как муж с женой?
— Нет, ваша честь, намного лучше.
Сын спрашивает у отца:
— А как змея разговаривает?
Отец, глядя на тещу:
— Ну, что же вы молчите? Внук интересуется!
Мне сказали: «Пить надо в меру». Заглянул я в словарь, а там: «Мера (старорусск.) — единица объема, равна 26,24 литра…». Опаньки!..
— Мужик, а что это у тебя оба уха перевязаны?
— Да, я белье гладил, и тут телефон зазвонил.
— И?
— Ну что и? Вместо трубки в утюг але сказал...
— Аа... понятно... а со вторым ухом что?
— Так, это... скорую вызывал...
Метки: анекдот, жена, жизнь, муж, примета, ребёнок, шутка, юмор
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With respect. Admin
Ta very much for the update, extremely useful. Do you thoughts If I can I use an extract or two on my web page?
Why not? 90% of the articles on my site are copyright with the corresponding links to the original sources and my comments where I thought fit. Take, use, debate, I'll be only too happy about that. At the same time, a reference to me is mandatory, but this is a matter of conscience using my materials. I'm not complex about this.
With respect. Admin
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