Домашние животные

Домашние животные

Вот ещё одна история о похождениях кота Матвея, изложенная устами Елены Михалковой.

Иногда мне кажется, что ему за это платят. Не может живое существо творить столько ошеломительной дури бескорыстно!

25 января 2016 г.

     Автор: Елена Михалкова

На три вещи можно смотреть бесконечно: как горит огонь, как течёт вода и как кот Матвей творит хню.

К творению хни это животное подходит без всякого вдохновения. Рутинная, тяжёлая работа. Но кто-то же должен!

И кот добросовестно выполняет свои обязанности.

Полагаю, он ведёт дневник. Записывает там отчёты: кратко, сдержанно, всё по делу. Лирики не надо, это лишнее.

Носил в пасти сухой корм, ронял в унитаз, смотрел. Бил лапой по воде.
Бил спящую женщину лапой, которой бил по воде.
Засовывал морду в чашку. Застревал. Кричал. Слушал эхо.
Запутывался в мочалке. Верещал.
Отдыхал в немытой форме из-под холодца. Собрал на шерсть остатки холодца. Допустил, что это атаковавшие меня кровососущие бесы Тёмного мира. Бежал. Ронял поддон.
Катался по дивану.
Смотрел, как отмывают диван от холодца. Помогал.
Нашёл крем для рук «Морозко». Прокомпостировал зубами восемнадцать раз. Выдавливал крем. Пачкал. Пытаясь стереть с морды крем, тёрся об диван.
Смотрел, как моют диван.

Кот Матвей способен творить хню с чем угодно. Например, он любит раскладывать подаренные цветы у меня на кровати, пока я сплю. Ночь, тишина, я лежу вся в цветах – ну чисто Брежнев в гробу. Иногда по дороге с розой в зубах кот звереет, начинает мочалить бедную изо всех сил. Тогда эта дебильная икебана со мной в главной роли выглядит так, словно на постели было сражение. Война алой и белой розы.

Также очень популярна среди кота Матвея игра «путь кенгуренка». Для этого берётся домашний телефон. Прячется в складках мохнатого живота. Телефон долго созревает там, растёт, понемножку набирается сил. Кот делает вид, что утомлённо спит. Когда кто-то позвонит на домашний, нужно взлететь вверх, расставив четыре лапы, и истошно заорать: «Рожаю, рожаю! Уже и воды отошли!»

Иногда мне кажется, что ему за это платят. Не может живое существо творить столько ошеломительной дури бескорыстно!

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