Юмор

Юмор


Шутки и анекдоты

Шутки и анекдоты

Для зарядки бодрости и духа

Старый добрый анекдот из Одессы...

Картинки по запросу карикатуры одессы

— Дорогой, когда мы поженимся, я буду делить с тобой все твои тревоги и заботы. 
 — Hо милая, у меня нет никаких тревог и забот. 
 — Я же говорю — когда поженимся.

Как говорила тетя Сара: «На мужа нельзя повышать голос! Он должен бояться взгляда!».

Маленькая Циля спрашивает:
— Мама, а что такое муж?
— Таки муж — это человек, который помогает жене преодолеть трудности, которых она бы и не знала, если бы не вышла за него замуж.

Моня звонит из Израиля другу в Одессу:
 — Сеня, что там у вас творится?
 — Да Украина немножко воюет с Россией…
 — Ну и что, есть потери?
 — Да, есть... Украина потеряла Крым, пару областей, несколько самолётов и вертолётов, танков, БМП, разного там оружия, прилично народу и...
 — А что потеряли русские?
 — Моня, ты не поверишь, русские на войну ещё так и не приехали...

— Наш Абрамчик ездил по святым местам, просил счастья…
— И шо, помогло?
— Нет, так с женой и вернулся…

— Сара Абрамовна, ну, как у вас дочка устроилась?
— Отлично. Муж любит, шубы покупает, на курорты возит…
— А сын?
— А сыну стерва попалась! То ей шубу купи, то на курорт свози!

Семен Маркович выходит на лестничную площадку, а там стоит растрепанный сосед Беня и дрожащими руками пытается прикурить.
— Шо случилось?
— Напали и деньги отобрали!
— Ты их хотя бы запомнил?
— А шо их запоминать-то. Жена и тёща!

Сёма и Роза ходят по рядам, выбирая овощи. Мимо проходит шикарная блондинка. Сёма с полуоткрытым ртом провожает её долгим взглядом.
— Ну шо, Сёма, и стоит она того, шо я тебе дома устрою?

— Сёма, хватит таки пялиться в холодильник, шо ты там пытаешься найти нового?! Лампочка от холодильника намотала уже больше, чем ты зарабатываешь!

— Сеня! Все мужчины таки козлы!
— Розочка, дорогая, именно так!
— Сеня, шо и ты тоже?
— Я, Розочка, самый большой козёл...
— Сеня, а почему я таки вышла за тебя замуж?
-Розочка, ото ж мы плавненько подошли к тому,  шо все бабы — дуры!

 

— У моей Сарочки просили руки сразу двое: инженер и адвокат!
— Да, и кто-же остался счастливчиком?
— Инженер… Она вышла за адвоката.

 

— У моей Софы самая отвратительная память на свете!
— Таки шо, всё забывает?
— Таки нет, всё помнит!

— Цилечка, вы мне сегодня ночью приснились!
— И шо?!
— И шо вы только не вытворяли! Таки постыдились бы, голубушка!

Яша в гостях уплетает ложкой черную икру.
— Яша, это, между прочим, не каша…
— О чём вы говорите, никакого сравнения!

Метки: , , , , , , , , ,

Отзывов (174) на «:-))) 055 Одесса шутит: Сеня! Все мужики таки козлы!»

  1. whoah this blog is fantastic i love reading your posts. Stay up the good paintings! You recognize, lots of persons are hunting round for this info, you could aid them greatly.

  2. hello there and thank you for your information – I’ve certainly picked up something new from right here. I did however expertise some technical issues using this web site, as I experienced to reload the web site many times previous to I could get it to load correctly. I had been wondering if your web host is OK? Not that I'm complaining, but slow loading instances times will sometimes affect your placement in google and can damage your high quality score if advertising and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I am adding this RSS to my e-mail and could look out for a lot more of your respective interesting content. Make sure you update this again soon...

  3. I precisely wished to say thanks all over again. I do not know what I could possibly have tried in the absence of those information shown by you over that area of interest. This has been a very alarming condition in my opinion, but witnessing a professional style you dealt with the issue forced me to jump for gladness. Now i'm happier for your guidance as well as hope you are aware of an amazing job that you are putting in instructing the rest using your webblog. More than likely you've never met any of us.

  4. I have recently started a site, the information you offer on this site has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time & work.

  5. I together with my pals have been studying the great suggestions located on your site and then at once came up with a terrible feeling I never thanked the web blog owner for those techniques. All the young boys are actually absolutely excited to read through all of them and now have certainly been enjoying these things. Appreciation for indeed being well kind and then for utilizing varieties of great subjects most people are really needing to be aware of. My personal honest apologies for not expressing gratitude to you sooner.

  6. I have recently started a web site, the information you provide on this site has helped me greatly. Thanks for all of your time & work.

  7. I have to show thanks to this writer just for rescuing me from this particular crisis. After checking throughout the the net and meeting solutions which are not powerful, I figured my life was gone. Existing minus the strategies to the issues you have resolved by way of your entire review is a crucial case, and the ones which could have adversely damaged my entire career if I hadn't noticed the blog. The skills and kindness in maneuvering all things was vital. I am not sure what I would've done if I had not come across such a step like this. I can also at this point relish my future. Thanks very much for the high quality and amazing help. I won't think twice to suggest your blog to anyone who would like care about this situation.

  8. You made some decent points there. I did a search on the subject and found most people will approve with your website.

  9. I must express appreciation to this writer just for rescuing me from such a incident. After searching throughout the world wide web and meeting recommendations that were not productive, I figured my life was gone. Existing devoid of the solutions to the issues you have fixed as a result of this website is a critical case, and those that could have adversely affected my career if I hadn't encountered your website. Your know-how and kindness in playing with every part was precious. I'm not sure what I would've done if I had not come across such a point like this. I am able to now relish my future. Thanks so much for this professional and results-oriented guide. I will not think twice to suggest your web blog to anybody who requires direction about this subject matter.

  10. I would like to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this blog. I'm hoping the same high-grade blog post from you in the upcoming as well. Actually your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my own website now. Really the blogging is spreading its wings fast. Your write up is a good example of it.

  11. I am continuously searching online for tips that can aid me. Thx!

  12. I loved as much as you'll receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored material stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an shakiness over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this increase.

  13. I have been checking out some of your articles and i can state clever stuff. I will definitely bookmark your website.

  14. I am continually browsing online for articles that can help me. Thanks!

наверх Счетчик PR-CY.Rank