Юмор

Юмор


Шутки и анекдоты

Шутки и анекдоты

Для зарядки бодрости и духа

В переполненном одесском трамвае, женщина готовится к выходу, в одной руке у нее авоська, а в другой детский горшок. Она горшком толкает мужчину и говорит: 
 — Мужчина, Ви таки не сходите?
Тот улыбнулся и ответил: 
 — Спасибо конечно, но я таки до дома дотерплю... 

— Изя, я люблю тебя и всегда буду с тобой!
— Сарочка, ты так не пугай меня.

На свадьбе:

— А теперь жених может поцеловать невесту!
Жених робко смотрит на неё, гости притихли…
Тут голос матери жениха:
— Смелее, Моня! Мама не возражает…

 

На Привозе: — У вас хурма вяжет? 
— Я Вас умоляю, крестиком вышивает…

 

Одесса. Один сосед говорит другому:
— Семён Маркович, я таки восхищён вашими чувствами. Вы Софой вместе живёте уже 20 лет и тем не менее, гуляя по городу, всегда держитесь за руку!
— Ах, Беня! Если я её отпущу, она обязательно что-нибудь купит.

 

Одесса. Привоз. Колбасный ряд. 
 — Мужчина! Шо вы ото целый час ходите, пробуете и ничего не берёте?! Вам шо, таки ничего не нравится? 
 — Нравится! 
 — Шо, денег нет?! 
 — Есть! 
 — Ну так покупайте! 
 — Зачем? 
 — Шобы кушать! 
 — А я шо делаю? 

Одесский дворик. Тётя Фая высовывается из окна и кричит на весь двор:
 — Ёсик, шо ты делаешь ?
 — Мама, я таки катаюсь на гамаке!!
 — Да ты шо, слезь сейчас же ! Это же лифчик тёти Цили!!!! 

Роза жалуется подруге:
— Никак приучить Мойшу к порядку- каждый раз он таки прячет бумажник в новое место!

 

— Розочка, ты шо, заболела?
— С чего ты взяла, Софочка?
— От тебя утром вышел доктор!
— И шо? Когда от тебя утром выходит полковник, я же не кричу на весь двор, шо началась война!

 

— Тётя Соня, а шо такое общественное мнение?
— Общественное мнение- это мнение тех, кого не спрашивали.

 

— Фимочка, не ковыряй карандашом в замочной скважине, таки выколешь бабе Симе глазик!..

— Циля, у тебя хоть капля совести есть?
— Тебе шо, таки накапать?

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Отзывов (142) на «:-))) 034 Из Одессы с любовью: Смелее, Моня! Мама не возражает!..»

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